Quieting The Critic Within

The plan for my future on my wedding day in 2002 was to live in an immaculate, highly organized home, indulge in made from scratch meals each day, completely care for a husband that never had to contribute to the daily chores inside the home (because I could do it all), and rear well-behaved, model children.  

    Fast forward thirteen years. My home is livable, but no way immaculate. Are there really immaculate homes out there? I still make homemade meals; however, since the third child last year, I’ve been known to grab pizza for dinner or throw some nuggets in the oven from time to time. My supportive husband searches in the clean laundry basket for socks, grabs the pizza for us when I can’t, and occasionally has to clean off the couch (on crazy days) before he can sit down and rest after work. I have three active boys. Need I say more about behavior? They are better than some brats I see, but there is constant fighting, arguing, and rough play at Hopson Farm.  

    Oh, how I hate to be a planner. I envisioned this picture perfect (or so I thought) life. What I ended up with, is constant criticism of myself by ME! Dialogue in my mind sounded something like this…    Why can’t you get it together, Holly?    It doesn’t look like other moms have trouble managing everything. Are you lazy?    Women have been doing this for centuries. What’s your problem?   

    I realized that I was not living in the present and enjoying my life, because I was mourning the perfect life that I’d hoped for over a decade ago. I know that sounds crazy, but I was a slave to MY plan.        God’s plans are far greater than any plans we concoct.  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11   

     How arrogant I’ve been to think my plans were better than what God has given! I’m (slowly) learning to embrace the imperfections (according to Holly) in daily life. Imperfections bring with them memories, fun, and stories to tell for future generations.   

    My family deserves a wife and mother who’s more interested in being present, having fun, and building relationships than a stressed, fly off the handle wife and mother whose primary concern is maintaining an image of perfection to the world around her.   

    Simplify. Live. Smile. Laugh. Go enjoy your pizza!   -Holly